Philip Pape: 0:08

Welcome to the Wits& Weights podcast, where we discuss getting strong and healthy with strength training and sustainable nutrition. I'm your host, Philip pape, and in each episode, we examine strategies to help you achieve physical self mastery through a healthy skepticism of the fitness industry, and a commitment to consistent nutrition and training for sustainable results. Welcome to another episode of Wits & Weights. Ashley Carlotta is joining me on the show. Today we're going to talk about a very important topic that I think affects just about everyone to some extent, and that is emotional eating. As a certified accountability health coach, Ashley has helped or held hundreds of clients accountable to eating well, and exercising consistently. While living in moderation and practicing mindfulness. She is the founder of better health by accountability, where she coaches men and women all over the world. Ashley believes that daily accountability support is key to reaching your health and wellness goals. Ashley's coaching provides daily communication, check ins, guidance and continuous reminders. And her clients find success with her direct, no excuses, fun loving style. Ashley, I'm really excited you are here with to learn a lot about emotional eating, and accountability support. And I want to thank you for coming on the show.

Ashley Carlotta: 1:24

Hey, thanks for having me.

Philip Pape: 1:27

Awesome. So why don't we just set up that story about emotional eating? From your personal experience? I understand that from a young age, you struggled with using food as a coping mechanism, and then eventually learn to eat more mindfully and intuitively. So walk us through your backstory. What got you here, what you learned along the way about that topic, especially that inspired you to help others?

Ashley Carlotta: 1:49

Yeah, when I was six years old, it's funny, one of my kindergarten friends just actually sent me a video, she was watching old videos. I was overweight, even as a six year old. And so I didn't even know it. Obviously, you're so little at that time until I started comparing myself to the other girls around me when we had to be in this show. I had to wear a leotard and tights and I was crying to my mom, I didn't want to go out on stage. And it was from then I knew that I was bigger than other than other kids my age and just, it took me through my life like that. Like I never got control of it. I always finished everything on my plate. In my teens, I would watch my peers. And I would almost want to try to copy what they were doing. Like for example, we were at Taco Bell. It's like they would have like a taco and I was not just having a taco, I was having a taco and burrito, and maybe some of those churro thingies and maybe nachos like food was my comfort. And I didn't even know that that was a thing, right? Like emotional eating wasn't even a term that anyone ever used. You know, I had boyfriends that would make comments. I had one boyfriend tell me aren't girlfriends, like supposed to be skinny, we had been in an argument. I know. I know, things that you don't think somebody would come out of somebody's mouth, but it did. So into my 20s I had just accepted that I was an overweight person. This was my lifestyle. I didn't know how to control it had gotten married. And our hobby essentially was like going to breweries and eating the crap food and having beers. And that was fun. That's what we did on the weekends. And it wasn't until after I had my second child. I have three now. But after I had my second child, I was done. I was done with the yo yo dieting, I was done just restricting. And then going back to my old ways I had done it so many times I had tried this SlimFast Jenny Craig weightwatchers like all of the things and I knew that I could lose weight that way if I wanted to, but I didn't want to gain it back this time. So I just started asking people questions like friends around me like I had to start getting really vulnerable about what it was that was going on. And I realized that I hadn't really even opened up to anybody about the fact that I overeat that I emotionally eat in the evenings that I drink too much right these were all coping mechanisms for me when I was feeling stressed or tired or sad even happy let's go out and eat more food you know, no portion control whatsoever and so I started running actually, I always danced to growing up I danced and stuff but I was like you know I'm going to try something new so with what am I good friends we started running first it was like a mile and then it was two miles and then we got all the way up to like six miles and I ran a 10k I started eating actual food that was fueling me you know protein. I didn't even know what protein was and I got into my fitness pal and I started tracking my calories and my macros and putting it all together. And it just started working for the first time. And I got down to my goal weight. And I maintained it for a couple years, which I had never done ever, ever, ever in my life had I maintained a weight for two years, then we decided to have another child. And after I had her, I had, you know, about 2530 pounds to lose. And I just, I couldn't find the motivation. I knew what I had to do. I had done it before I had maintain it, but like Monday would come again. We were. So I decided, like every normal person to put myself on Instagram, and let everybody follow my journey. I have no intention of starting a business, nothing. But people started asking me oh my gosh, like, what are you doing? What program? Are you on? You know, what exercise place are you going to and all these things, and I was like, Look, I'm just eating healthy. I'm getting enough sleep, I'm drinking enough water. And I'm doing my at home exercises. And I'm not even it's not like a whole hour a day. It's just short, little spurts. And I'm doing it consistently. And this is how you get to where you want to be. But for me, it was them watching me and holding me accountable. And I was doing way and Wednesdays. And that was just the missing piece for me is having somebody watching what I was doing so that I couldn't make excuses. And from that I had people asking if I could help them. And I realized that it's so much more than just dieting. It's, that's I mean, anybody can diet, right? But it's more working on the mindset that comes with that. Why do you want this? Why are you eating more than you need to eat? Why are you having more than the portion size that you need? Why are you going and having eight cookies instead of to sitting down and joining them, all of that. And so that's what I help a lot of people with is planning how they want to go into a scenario, and then coming back and reporting how they did. And once you practice that over and over and over, it just starts to become routine. And you can get out of that cycle of choosing food and drinks for a lot of us to make yourself feel better. And that's where I am today. I it formed into a business I did taxes and accounting for 12 years and never thought I would be here. But it just goes to show that they can take the ugly and you know, use it for good. But God can do that.

Philip Pape: 7:28

Actually, I mean, thank you for sharing the whole story there. There's so many like keywords and themes and philosophies in there that I love that I want to like pick out because, you know, I know this is the root of why you do what you do today with accountability. So starting from that epiphany you had where you finally got things to work for the first time. And it was at that time, it sounds like it was a knowledge and awareness thing before you even get to the accountability part. What would you how important would you say that is and how many people don't even know what to do before we even get to, hey, I know what to do. And now I need help getting there.

Ashley Carlotta: 8:02

Yeah, I feel like you do have to come to the point of just hitting a wall and saying, I don't want to live this way anymore. Because the feelings around it and the things that I would say to myself, I was beating myself up. And so it did I think it took like just listening to some mindset things around it at the time. It was around my business and stuff in my tax profession and stuff. And I realized I thought your thoughts matter. And if I'm waking up every morning saying, Ashley, you're a failure. Ashley, you look disgusting. Ashley, why do you eat so much your pants don't fit. And you say that over and over and over. And I do think you have to get to the point to say you know what, Ashley, you can do this. You have a choice. Buckle in, get it done, you can do it. And you do you have to get to that switch where you make that decision to say I want something better for myself, and I'm not going to look back anymore. Is it going to be easy? No. But you can do it. You put one foot in front of the other. Sometimes you back up a little bit but you keep going and no longer was I going to say I screwed up this Friday. I'm going to screw up the rest of the weekend. And here I am Monday super pissed at myself. And so yeah, I think it gets to that. And, you know, when I talk to people on Discovery calls in the beginning and stuff, like there's a lot of tears, and I feel it, I feel their pain and it just it it makes me so sad. And I just want to get in there and you know, I really, really really want to help them because there is hope on the other side of this. There really is.

Philip Pape: 9:37

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's that is so true. I think the majority of people that reach out once you dig into that deeper level of what you talked about earlier, the why right? Get get to the limiting beliefs get to understanding not just the why I want to lose weight, okay, why do I want to lose weight? Well, I want to you know, feel better about myself. Why do I want that? You know, and you go on and you find the deeper core how So how can people discover that for themselves as? And is that the first step? And then how can people do that? Yeah,

Ashley Carlotta: 10:07

I think, again, that takes sitting with yourself and being honest with yourself. A lot of times, I know, especially for me, it's like, every time I would think something negatively about myself or want to change, I think in my head, it would be like, That's too hard. That's gonna take a long time, and whatever. And so you do you almost you have to put pen to paper and really write why do I want to change this? You know, is it because I want to be able to keep up with my kids? Is it because I just want to feel pretty, you know? Or do I want to feel more tone, I want to feel strong, I want to have energy, I don't want to be beating myself up anymore. And like, write those things down. And then you have to figure out, okay, what steps are you going to take to change that then? And who are you going to reach out to to help you and who are you going to be vulnerable with Intel, that you're doing this because even alongside the clients that I work with, I very much encourage them, talk to your spouse, talk to a few trusted friends have build your team around you, so that you won't fail so that they can encourage you and be a cheerleader for when you feel like you don't want to continue on? They're gonna remind you why you want it because A, B, C, D, E, and then you're like, Okay, I can do this, you know, you do you have to come to that point. And then you have to figure out why. And then you have to instill the steps to make you actually do it.

Philip Pape: 11:29

Right. Okay, so let's, let's get a little more focused on the discussion more strategic and talk about the emotional eating specifically, because I could go on for two hours with you about mindset in general. So we often talk about things like hunger, or cravings, right there. I think there's a distinction, like, what, there's hunger, there's emotional eating, there's all these concepts, and people tend to lump everything together. What's the difference between, I guess, true physical hunger and what we call emotional eating?

Ashley Carlotta: 11:59

Yeah, true physical hunger is when it starts to build, you can kind of feel your stomach growling, you know, maybe like your energy is not the same as it was. And you should have enough time, it shouldn't be like a snack, I'm so hungry, right, it should have enough time to where you're able to pause. Think about what you're going to eat, pick fueling foods, hopefully, you've prepared a little bit mentally before that. So you don't just go to your fridge and open it right. physical hunger is not based on emotion, it's like I am hungry, and I need to eat. emotional hunger can even happen. When you're not even hungry, it can literally just be you trying to make yourself feel better in whatever situation that you have. It also could be boredom, too. And a lot of times, you know, if desk jobs especially like a lot of people are sitting all day long. And then they're just eating so many more calories than they would ever have. Because they're just mindlessly like eating out of the chip bag, or they have a candy jar right here and things like that. motional eating, for a lot of I'd say most of the people that I work with, happens in the evening time. It's almost like they're tired. They're exhausted from the day, maybe they're stressed out from the day. And sometimes I know a lot of the moms that I work with, too, it's like, you want to reward yourself for like a long day, right? And it can snowball, it can start with like, Okay, well, I'm going to treat myself I'm going to have like a bowl of popcorn. And then it's like, oh, there's a piece of cake left, like, I'm going to have that and then maybe I'm going to have a glass of wine, or maybe I'm going to make some hot chocolate. And if a lot of times you just need to go to bed. That's really what you need to do. You know, and then I can also be loneliness like, and I just remember back, like sitting in my apartment, like, you know, maybe a boyfriend broke up with me or whatever. And I just, I would just go to town, I would just eat whatever was in sight to make me feel better. And so there is no satisfaction. When you're eating like that when you are hungry and you eat a meal and you've had proper macros and all that stuff, you feel satisfied with emotional hunger. You don't ever feel like you've had enough because there is really nothing that's going to fill you up. You keep trying to fill your cup up and then afterwards you don't feel good. You feel like crap, because then you've just done the same thing that you wanted to stop for all these years and months and days. Right. So those are the main differences and I do you feel that having somebody over your shoulder when it when you're going through that and when you're first starting to work through that is so necessary because we can just break you know, promises to ourselves all across.

Philip Pape: 14:41

Yeah, there's a big, there's a big roadblock, there's a lot of momentum you have to get over right. There's a huge amount of friction there. So you covered a lot of the mechanisms I guess behind emotional eating, many of which are internal or their external reasons. Like the obesogenic environment Western society and food supply how we were raised? Like, what about those some of those things?

Ashley Carlotta: 15:03

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, well, we have like endless supplies of food around here, right. And I feel like even even our kids are poor kids, we just, we, we need to be on top of it because any activity they go to, there's candy and sweets and crap anywhere they go, right. So there's that there's the temptations of just having all that around you. But then there's also, we're not getting enough sleep. As a society, most of us don't go to bed on time, get up, feel good, right. And a lot of us are not hydrating enough. And so a lot of times, you'll think you're hungry, when you're not even really hungry, you're just dehydrated. And I and that used to happen for me all the time. Like, I had no idea that there was like, you know, somewhat of an amount that you're supposed to drink throughout the day, especially when you're exercising consistently and stuff like that. It's like sodas, and it's a lot. So there are all these other factors. And then there's also making sure that, you know, self care, it's like that phrase, self care, right. And like you can roll your eyes to and it doesn't need, it doesn't need to be like going in to get a massage, or something like that. But it's pausing and make sure that you've done something for yourself, that sparks joy for you, right, that could even be listening to a podcast right now, while you're driving home. You know what I mean? It could be anything like that, to where you feel like you've been able to relax, and think, because a lot of times we're not thinking, and we've just been so bombarded with everything, and then you get home and you know, you still get get back on your computer, and you just haven't taken time for yourself. And I think especially as busy professionals, even entrepreneurs, right, like, there's always something that could be done. There's, there's always a reason why you could just go to a drive thru, and, you know, skip your workout or whatever. Like for me, I could just go and go and go and work and work and work. But I know that that's against what I teach. And so you have to make things a priority for you. And I feel like that's where a lot of things, it just gets hard because people are not prioritizing these things. Therefore, they're emotionally overwhelmed. They're eating more.

Philip Pape: 17:11

No, that's great. There's a lot there. Like you mentioned hydration. So and I've heard that I've heard it said you know that hunger is sometimes thirst right in disguise, and physic the physical hunger and the emotional hunger that you made a distinction between it also sounds like there is there is overlap going on in some cases where you might actually be physically hungry. And then you remark you respond in a way as if you are emotionally hungry, perhaps if you're thirsty or something like that. Yeah. So reducing your stress and getting more sleep. And all these are really good tips for people because people don't realize the huge impact that has on on your stress and your hormones and everything else that then leads to this overwhelm you mentioned. Yeah. So I mean, so can we, can we can we actually eliminate emotional eating itself? Or is that just an abstract concept. And what we're trying to do is work around that end result. You know, like, we're not trying to fix ourselves so much. We're trying to maybe take control and find appropriate ways to plan and manage our lives, knowing that that will happen. What's your take on that?

Ashley Carlotta: 18:07

Oh, it's something that I have to work on every single day? Absolutely, yeah. And I can feel it sometimes coming on to like, sometimes in the evenings, it's like, I'll have dinner. And it's almost as if I'm wanting to eat more just to eat, but it is it goes back to what I said. It's just like, you're just wanting to make yourself feel better. In a lot of ways. If you've had a crappy day, like your car broke down, like all these things, and you're wanting to do that, so that you're forgetting about what's going on around you in your life. It's like that's never gonna go away. It does get easier, the more that you practice pausing, and asking yourself, okay, am I physically hungry? Okay, no, then why am I thinking about this? And is there something else that I can do instead? Do I? Do I need some alone time? Do I need to get away from my children for a little bit? Do I need to go outside and walk around the block? Do we need to call a friend and talk about how I'm feeling instead of opening up and getting an ice cream bar out of the fridge? Because I promise you we're going to eat that in like, two minutes. And then you're just going to be on to the next thing. So yeah, it's one of those things that I promise you, you can overcome. And there are going to be setbacks. As you start on your journey, you're not just gonna be able to snap and fix this issue, especially if it's something that you've been doing your entire life. Like, I mean, I had 30 years of doing this. I mean, obviously, it stemmed from even just like a young kid, you know, like, I would always finish all of my food. I sometimes, like looking back, I would eat just as much as my dad would during that time. You had to do that. Yeah, yeah. So you're right. It's just one of those things that you're always gonna have to work out bit by bit and some days are going to be easier than others and there's going to be times in your life when it's a lot harder than other times.

Philip Pape: 19:56

You know, we have to acknowledge that and allow for it sounds like and just continue New. I always like to say everyday, everyday is a reset. Right? Whatever happened yesterday in the past doesn't matter. Yeah, I love that it's reset. So like one specific example, you mentioned the ice cream bar in the in the freezer, is one possible technique to just not have that in the house? Or is that is absent and sometimes backfire?

Ashley Carlotta: 20:17

Yeah, abstinence can backfire. In the beginning, usually with my clients, I tell them, I don't necessarily want you to clean everything out of your fridge because I do I want you to be able to practice eating when you're hungry and giving yourself a treat, when you feel that it's necessary, because I am I come from very much have a moderation approach because as soon as you were strict, you will not stick to what you're doing. I'm really big on that. Now, if you know, for example, that Doritos are like a trigger, right? Like you wonder Ido and you can't stop. And like seriously, Pringles, I will say for me, especially and I try, I really don't keep that stuff in the house that much. Because it really is true, if I see it, and let's say I'm thirsty, and I haven't had lunch yet or something. As soon as you have one crinkle it is really hard to stop for so so for those things, specifically,

Philip Pape: 21:12

I gotta say, I gotta say, the food, the food industry designs that that we actually okay, it's the cylinder you're like, you know, it's just the right amount. They're super light and crispy, like,

Ashley Carlotta: 21:22

salty, and they're so good. So in those cases, yeah, I don't necessarily think that that's something that you should keep in your house, if it's going to be something that triggers you time and time again. But for the most part, like if a neighbor, you know, delivers some brownies, right, like, I don't necessarily want you to just go throw them in the trash, right? But you know, have one, enjoy it, if that's your thing. Again, if you really like it, I want you to try it. If it's something that you could care less about, don't waste your calories on eating some, like cranberry roll bar Danish thing that you're like, I don't even like that. Yeah, but you have to set yourself up to succeed, and you can't have a bunch of crap all over the house, especially when you're getting started. And you're trying to be good, because you're just gonna see it, see it, see it, see it, you know, and so it's more about replacing and adding in, you know, drinking more water, adding in more fruits, adding in more vegetables. And then when you're adding all of those good things in and making sure you're getting enough protein, you're not going to be craving all the stuff that you're used to having for you're just gonna be in such a better mindset all the way around.

Philip Pape: 22:30

This, you're just speaking right to my heart. They're actually like we're aligned on all this totally. It's exactly the exactly the way I would say to it's so great. The idea of replacing we're not restricting, we're not eliminating, we're putting in the things we need to serve our goals. We need protein if we need fiber or hungry might need fiber. Okay, so I can leave room for the Coke, you know, or whatever. Yeah, yeah. So all that's good strategies, people need to listen to this a few times to really soak it all in. What about so there's a, there's an aspect of motional eating, at least my clients deal with all the time, if you can even call it that. And that is, you know, their day to day routine is locked down. But then they go out on the weekends, right? They go to a party, they go traveling for vacation, and things, things are out of whack, and they are met with all sorts of new foods, lots of foods, maybe a buffet, how do somebody thoughtfully and mindfully plan for those? And especially if you're in like a fat loss phase, right, what are your calories lower?

Ashley Carlotta: 23:26

Yeah, that is a fantastic question. And that's something that I work with a lot. What I think the best strategy to do is, is when you're going into a party or a buffet or something like that, to where you know, there's going to be like all these different choices and a lot of foods that you like probably more decadent ones than not, I want you to look at all of your options available to you don't just go in and grab your plate and start going oh, have a little bit that a little bit of that little bit that no, then you're going to fill your plate with way too much. So look at everything. Choose what you know, you should have first have some vegetables or some salad then okay, what protein am I going to have? Do I got steak, chicken fish? What do I have here? Let's put that on there. And then if you want to try some of the other things, maybe a little bit of mac and cheese, I'm totally pretending I'm somewhere right now.

Philip Pape: 24:18

Or exactly what your wish was there? Yeah.

Ashley Carlotta: 24:22

You know, I'm kind of thinking back to Thanksgiving because we kind of just went through that, but it's like, have a little bit, taste everything. If there's a dessert tray, or you know what I mean? Look at all of them. Choose your favorite habit, enjoy it, and don't drink too much. You got to keep having water in between your drinks. If you're in a fat loss phase, I try to have my clients limit their drinking as much as possible. But I love to have a drink when I go out with my friends when I'm traveling and stuff like that. Drink it slowly, and don't get drunk and don't get buzzed. Because if you do, your inhibitions are out the window and you just don't care and you're not going to be remembering my wife. Oh, yeah, I really want to have more energy for my kids.

Philip Pape: 25:04

No, you're right. The the effects of alcohol itself just compounds the whole thing, right? Yeah. Hey, this is Philip Pape. And if you feel like you've put in effort to improve your health and fitness, but aren't getting results, I invite you to apply for a one on one coaching to make real progress and get the body you desire. We'll work together to figure out what's missing. So you can look better, perform better and feel better, just go to wits, & weights.com/coaching, to learn about my program and apply today. Now back to the episode

Ashley Carlotta: 25:35

you're traveling. That's something I could talk about for a long time, too. But I will say my biggest tip on that is, even if you're driving or you're flying, wherever you're going bring some of your own food, I have a list of snacks that I send to my clients, it's like make sure that you have like some protein bars, make sure that you're still taking you know, your protein powder, or collagen powder or whatever those things handy. So that you can set yourself up to still succeed when you're traveling when you know you don't know we're going to be going look at the menu ahead of time, whether you're traveling or not, even if you're just going out to dinner, like on a date night or whatever it is, try to look at the menu ahead of time. Don't like get obsessive over it, right? But just so that you can go in saying, Okay, there's these three things I might want to get. I'm gonna see how I feel when I get there. But when I get there, I'm not going to just like totally order something else, because I haven't even thought about it. And now I'm hungry. And now I'm just going to do whatever I want to do. You do have to think ahead. And you don't want to do it. Like I said obsessively in the sense where you're like, oh my gosh, I'm worried I have clients that go oh my god, I'm so worried. I'm going here and I feel like I'm gonna fail. It's like not well, if you're thinking that then you are but no. Okay, let's talk about how do you want to go into this scenario? Do you want to have a salad? And maybe you don't feel like a fella? Then what could you have? Instead, maybe you could order like the chicken and the brussel sprouts with the rice or whatever. And then plan how many drinks that you're going to have, if you are plan how you're going to approach this scenario, if you decide not to have alcohol there, which a lot of us don't. But it's like, you can say no, if your friends are getting a bunch of appetizers, try this. Try this. Try this. You're allowed to say no, and you don't even have to explain yourself and you're probably a you're good good friends, they're probably going to pick at you a little bit, you know, like I mean, and then there's going to be the ones that totally respect you. But there's gonna be a lot of them that are like, Oh, come on, you're fine. You're fine the way you are. Come on, have a loose ball or whatever, or having a great comment. Yeah. And so I've had all of those different relationships around me. And I had to learn that like, I am my own person, I can say no, but I have to go into it. Knowing that I'm going to say know ahead of time instead of us like, oh, okay, whatever. Yeah, I will try this. I'll try this. I'll try this. And then all of a sudden, you're up 700 extra calories. And you know, if you have a goal, you gotta be consistent.

Philip Pape: 27:54

Yeah, yeah. And in that scenario, there's something I heard a long time ago, or the way you say it, you can say I choose not to have that instead of I can't have it. I love dieting, say, Oh, I can't have that. No, no, it's I just choose not to have that, you know, I'm gonna have this instead. Okay, so you said a lot of great stuff there, too. One was about limiting, you're limiting your alcohol. For example, one of my clients has struggled with that. And one thing we're trying is keeping an index card with her that that like reminds her she has two drinks limit so that when she's had that first drink, and the buzzer is coming in, it's like, okay, I got one more, right. Yeah. Yeah.

Ashley Carlotta: 28:29

Well to that, though, and I sometimes they limit to but you're a, again, you're allowing yourself to have two drinks instead of not having any.

Philip Pape: 28:39

So this is actually like your allowance that you can take.

Ashley Carlotta: 28:43

Yeah, it's not. But yes, it but at the same time, it is a limited, but it's how you think about it? Yes. Yeah.

Philip Pape: 28:50

Yeah. And you mentioned also thinking about what kinds of food you're going to have, like, of course, if you're gonna go to a chain restaurant or something that has menus online, you can you can do that and plan ahead more precisely, but like you said, if you plan to have a salad or lean meat, vegetables, kind of similar to how you would eat at home, but just different options. What came to mind there? Oh, oh, the thought of having just sit through ingredients you can see, right? Because in restaurants, like fats, and fats, and sugars and salts are added in copious amounts that you can't even see. To make it delicious, right? That's their job. So like, if you can see it, you might be better off to who knows? So okay, good. This is this is great stuff. So going back to accountability then and planning and all of these wonderful things. Some people just don't do it. Some people aren't. They aren't accountable. So why not? Why don't they plan ahead and knowing this unit after they listen to your podcast? Most people are not going to do that now. Yeah. Why is that?

Ashley Carlotta: 29:52

I would say that people think it's just too hard, and they get overwhelmed, and they feel like is so much work to go to the store, plan what they're going to eat, actually make it actually get to the gym, and they think they don't have time. And the reality is that you have time for what you make time for. And if it's important to you, you will do it. And so a lot of times, I do have clients that come to me that say, I know exactly what I need to do. I know exactly what I need to do, but I need somebody to hold my hand, and I need somebody watching me essentially knocking the cookie out of my hand, you know, and I always tell them, like when we get off our first call, and like, look, this is a partnership. So I can't make you do it, right. But it is going to be a lot easier for you to not make the excuses to yourself, when you know that you have to report to somebody else. And some people just thrive on that not only around just eating, but around just their business in general, you know, or getting things done all that. So I feel that accountability, for me personally, is one of the only ways that I actually get things done, you know, even if it's like my husband asking me to like, take somebody to the post office. Hey, did you take it to the post office? Yeah, I didn't or Nope, I didn't have to thank you for sure. Sometimes we just need the support and the community around us to help us do what we say we're gonna do. Yeah,

Philip Pape: 31:28

I mean, that's, that's the big missing piece for people, right? It's hard to go it alone for a lot of different things. And I can't imagine anybody would say everything in my life, I can do it on my own right? There's something like you said, even just your spouse, you might be the person hold you accountable, and you might not even realize it. And that's what's happening. So having that support structure, having a family member or a coach is definitely important. I, you remind me of a client that was making excuses the other day with me, and she's like, I didn't do this because this I didn't do this because it's like, okay, what are we doing going forward? I need you to commit, you know, like, I don't want to hear at all that's it. And she knows she makes those excuses. And that's why she has a coach, at least in the short term. It's so funny. What so then why do you think it's like it's kind of already dresses in terms of living a healthy lifestyle? Without support? You know why it's so hard? I guess we already addressed that. So as far as the making excuses, how do you how do you address that? The example I just gave?

Ashley Carlotta: 32:30

Yeah, well, it's funny. So for some of my clients, I only hold them accountable to their fitness. So I have a fitness one a nutrition and fitness. And then I have a nutrition only because some some of my clients are like over exercises to the point where I'm like, You need to tone it down a little bit. But so my clients specifically with fitness, it's so funny, like, they will say, they'll say, Well, I couldn't because this happened and this and then this and then that's like, okay, great. So you have a 30 minute workout to get done. So are you going to stay up later tonight? Or are you going to get up earlier the next day? Or where are you going to fit this in? You know, and they're always like, Ashley okay, yes, you're right. I do want to do it. And I do want to get it in, you know, for that. Now, if it's if it's more tied to like the emotional eating and the binge stuff, that's when I'm like, okay, look, we need to get on the phone. And we need to talk through this. Because we do a lot of texting, you know, I do a lot of check ins and nudges and making sure they're on the schedule and all this stuff. But you do need to talk to somebody through that, you know, if they've had like a really bad day, they'll say, Ashley, like, I totally blew it today, you know, and a lot of that a lot of times, that's because they weren't texting me their food, like they're supposed to be, you know, they were totally ignoring me. And they were in their sorrows or whatever it was. And so we do need to hop on a call. And like you said, I love the reset like we are, we're starting to we're not starting over. We're just, you know, we're restarted again,

Philip Pape: 33:58

we're continuing continuing to plan.

Ashley Carlotta: 34:01

We're continuing, nothing happened, we're not going to look back like we are just going to have a really good day today. And, again, a lot of times we have to talk through what happens. What happened to make you go

Philip Pape: 34:14

off? Cause Analysis there. Yeah.

Ashley Carlotta: 34:17

And a lot of times they know once we talk through it, it's like well, I got a call from the doctor. And then my kids teacher emailed me and then this and then they were just so overwhelmed in that in the moment. So yeah, it's just again, it goes back to that having that support and having somebody to talk to about it. Because usually like when we tell ourselves that we're going to start eating better or eat well or go on this diet or take sugar out or whatever it is. I mean, that lasts not long at all if you're just only accountable to yourself, because nobody's checking in on you to see how you're doing and I think we need that.

Philip Pape: 34:51

Yeah, and the idea that the accountability being the right type of accountability, something came to my mind. Sometimes some of these fitness apps people use I should say the food tracking apps. I'm not going to name names, but they're often built off the idea that if you screw up, you get called out for it and try to make it up in the next day, right? Yeah, I think you know what I'm saying. And that can be detrimental too. Because I've had clients say, Well, I went over by 1000 calories, so I'm gonna eat 700 calories today and make up for it. Aren't you proud of? Don't do that. Again. It's a reset. We continue to plan as if it didn't happen. Just just execute today to the

Ashley Carlotta: 35:29

Yeah, you don't punish yourself for doing bad. Yeah. And that's where we get into it. Because if you punish yourself and you only 700 calories in that one day, what do you think's going to happen to you the next day? Oh, it's Yeah. Yeah.

Philip Pape: 35:43

Okay, so here's kind of flipping the scenario completely, maybe a fresh look at things. If I'm taking a client or you're taking a client through a muscle building phase, I assume you have clients that are eating to gain and gain muscle, not just fat loss clients, is that right?

Ashley Carlotta: 35:55

Yes. Once in a while, most of the time, though, mine are wanting to lose.

Philip Pape: 36:00

Okay, I don't know if this would be relevant or not, because, like, my big focus is strength and muscle building on here. But let's say they've, they've learned a lot of these things that you are teaching and talking about planning ahead, being accountable. And now they have a lot of calories they have to hit every day to gain weight, and they know about fiber, and they're eating really well. In their diet. They're eating well, maintenance, now they have to gain weight. So they might actually start adding some some treats. You know, yeah. Next, yeah. to process food, right? Is it like the mirror image? Because we're now doing it? Or is it a little bit more acceptable? Because we're trying to get enough calories? You know, what I mean? Like, what, what's your take?

Ashley Carlotta: 36:38

Well, I think a lot of my clients, when I am trying to get them to eat more, they get, they're so scared to eat more, you know, and I always preface it by saying, I'm not meaning that you need to go eat more crap, or just calories in general, we need to really get you to hit your protein goals. If your goal is to build muscle, we need to make sure that you are having enough carbs stop restricting so much, you know, but yes, that doesn't mean McDonald's carbs. That means like more food in general. And you do and I'm sure you recommend this to your clients as well. But you kind of have to do it on in gradual, because if you're all of a sudden, like, Okay, I want you to eat 1000 more calories. They're like, Oh, shit, how do I do that? You know? But yeah, sometimes they do. They'll be like, Well, I mean, I have like, 300 more today. So maybe I'll do this and that and and like we've said, In moderation, that's fine. But no, not every day. Are you supposed to just like have more ice cream now to get where you?

Philip Pape: 37:33

Are isn't? Yeah, it's interesting, because it's, I think about this all time, it's not really a symmetrical problem, because it's more of a logistical thing on the way up, right? That then necessarily emotionally, assuming you've addressed the emotional stuff. Obviously, if you have somebody with a lot of issues, and then you're like, now let's also eat a lot of calories that can be, it can be a problem. Alright, what about, what about the non food behaviors? I think we addressed that a little bit. Things like hydration, movement, strength training, self care. I mean, you kind of addressed that already. Was there anything else you want to add there?

Ashley Carlotta: 38:05

Yeah, strength training is big. And I, I'm personally getting into liking it a little bit more. But I used to just do cardio, I dance. And I did like these dance cardio classes. And I would go running, and I would do Orangetheory workouts, which some of those are good, they do have strength training in there. But it's a lot of just like running and rowing and all the things and training is so important. If you are listening to this, you need to and that doesn't mean that you're going to be a bodybuilder. And that doesn't mean that you need to go out and buy all these things. Like you just need a few things to be successful at doing it and you need to be consistent with it. I usually recommend two to three times a week for my clients, even if it's 20 minutes, like if you're going to go for a run. Awesome, do that, but come back and do some strength training too. So that's my big thing on that. A lot of times when I talk to people in the very beginning, I'll ask them, I'll say about how much water do you get in a day? Usually they can answer me for one and for two. A lot of times, it'll be like a two o'clock phone call. And they're like, Oh, I actually haven't even had any water today. But I've had three cups of coffee. So important to drink your water. And one thing that we didn't talk about is like I'm a big believer in having breakfast. Now sometimes people like to have like a late a little bit of a later breakfast like 10 or 11. And I think that's fine as long as you're getting enough calories in the day. But do not skip your first big meal and make sure they're at least getting three meals in like sometimes I'll have clients come to me and say, Well, I usually only eat like one big meal. I'm like, no, no

Unknown: 39:46

faster, right? Yeah. Or sometimes too small

Ashley Carlotta: 39:49

meals. And I mean, usually there's no possible way that they're even getting the like 1200 calories at that point

Philip Pape: 39:55

or their protein. Yes. 80 grams of protein a meal or something. Yeah. Yeah.

Ashley Carlotta: 40:00

So people will come to me in the beginning and say, Well, I mean, I'm just not, I'm just not hungry in the morning. And I'm like, Look, if you are feeling your body well, and you're exercising consistently, you should start to feel hungry in the morning. And it should be within about two hours of waking up like otherwise, you're essentially fasting even longer than what you're, you know, breakfast is your breaking the fast in the morning, and I think 12 hours is important. 12 to 14 hours, but not really more than that. And so that's something I'm big on addressing, and I'll be like, All right, it's 10 o'clock. Like, I haven't seen your breakfast yet. Oh, okay. Like they're just not used to it. What are the other things that we talked about sleep? I know, we all roll our eyes. Because yeah, we could all probably use a little bit more sleep. I know, even me personally, it's like, I get the kids down to bed. My old my older one is like staying up later now. So it's like, he wants to talk to me until 930 At night, and it's like, Dude, I just want two hours to myself. But I know for me, if I don't go to bed by 11, when I wake up, it's just not gonna be good. And then the cravings start, you know, all of those things trigger when you haven't had enough sleep. And you're just not thinking as well either. And so even thinking about like, Oh, what am I going to make for dinner tonight, like, that just feels so overwhelming, because you're exhausted. And you can only focus on one thing at a time. So sleep is so important.

Philip Pape: 41:26

It is and just funny. You mentioned sleep because I also, that's one thing, I struggle with that to get like, even seven hours and I'm telling all my clients, they need a lot of sleep. But it is funny how being a coach is a good form of accountability, as you're just like, I need to set a example.

Ashley Carlotta: 41:40

I can never stop being a coach now. Because

Philip Pape: 41:43

I'll yeah, all dependent on being a coach. Like how can I tell my clients

Ashley Carlotta: 41:47

to do this or remind them to do in that if I'm not doing it, so you got to practice what you preach.

Philip Pape: 41:52

Alright, one more thing, and then I'll get to my last couple of questions is about strength training. So I'm definitely all about the holistic, or I should say whole body wellness that you talk about here where everything is important. But you also mentioned you have clients that just do nutrition. I'm curious how that how you handle that if they don't do training or exercise? You know, do you still encourage them to do that as part of nutrition? How does that work?

Ashley Carlotta: 42:14

Oh, yes. So yeah, on our call, if they are wanting accountability, just for the nutrition, I make sure that they are and have a proper workout plan. And I make sure that they're getting strength training in I mean, I'm not doing it for them, obviously talk about I'd say, this is going to be the assumption that you're doing these things, while I'm holding you accountable to eat well, because a lot of times, you know, people are really good about exercising, and then they eat so badly. And then they it's like they're wasting all not wasting because it's there's other benefits of exercise. But they're putting all this money into these different programs, but they're doing in these gyms, and they're working hard. And they're doing it every day. And they're being really disciplined about that. But they're not seeing any results because they're not eating well. So yeah, a lot of times I feel like for me, exercise is always something that I was really good about doing and I would totally ruin out to be like, I've earned 500 calories yet, so I'm gonna go eat a 2000 Calorie dinner and go.

Philip Pape: 43:11

Okay, I was wondering about that. Because I mean, the way I like to put it is, you know, what's more important in a car is if the engine or that fuel does both, right. And so the engine is like your, your, your strength training, you know, is giving you a bigger, powerful, faster engine and your fuels your nutrition, and they go hand in hand. So like, for me, I'm a little bit more hardcore in that my clients all have to be strength training like me. But I was always curious about that, because I have heard coaches that are like, I don't worry about their training. I'm a nutrition coach. And I'm like, I don't think that's a quite the best approach. But okay.

Ashley Carlotta: 43:44

Yeah, one thing I have clients that come to me through some of these other programs, and I won't name names, but if you're told on a program that you shouldn't be exercising for the first two weeks, or the month, red flag, like nothing's gonna be telling you that you can't exercise and that means that you're probably not getting near enough calories. So just know that.

Philip Pape: 44:04

Yeah, so much stuff out in the fitness industry, we could like, talk about. Alright, so this is the penultimate question. I like to ask everyone, and that is, what one question Did you wish I had asked, and what is your answer?

Ashley Carlotta: 44:17

Yeah, I would say probably, why should someone invest in their in themselves? And why should somebody invest in a coach? And my answer to that would be that you do need to have I feel like some skin in the game. You know, if you're not putting like money on the table to say that you're going to do something, you're probably not going to do it. You know what I mean? It has to be a little bit scary. Anything that you go into where you're trying to create change is going to be a little bit scary because you kind of have doubts in yourself, right? Like, am I really going to do this? Am I really going to do this this time? But if you're reaching out just like for example, working with a therapist, right Seems like something is going on in your life that you need help for, and you're at the point where you're gonna go get help for it. And you're not just gonna go to a therapist for free. So as health coaches, we are not therapists, but we are there to support you and encourage you and keep you on track. And it is an investment, and you are worth the investment. But you have to know that within yourself. And so, a lot of times people will say, you know, they'll, they'll ask me for my price, like, upfront, like before even asking like about how our coaching works and stuff. And it's like, well, let's talk about you first. And let's talk about what you need. And let's talk about while you're even interested in this, before we even go into the pricing, you know, what do you mean, because you can work around your financial situation to do anything that you want to do if it's really important to you. And within reason, obviously. But yeah, you've got to invest in you have to ask for health if you're in that cycle that you can't get out of, because otherwise you're just gonna stay there.

Philip Pape: 46:02

There you go. I mean, what's more important in life than your health? Right? Yeah. So I mean, the stuff people pay for and pay lots of money for that. Don't get them anything. And importance of your health. Yeah, so that's, that's excellent. Ashley, this has been awesome. Oh, the last question, of course, is, where can listeners find out more about you and your work? Sure.

Ashley Carlotta: 46:23

Yeah. If you're interested in my one on one coaching at all, my website is better health by accountability.com. And I have a little freebie on there for you if you want to learn how to live like a normal person while still living losing weight without dieting. So go grab that. And then I hang out mostly on Instagram, at Better health by accountability. And I'm really good about getting back to messages and stuff. So just come say hi, and if you have any questions, and I'd love to help you.

Philip Pape: 46:49

Awesome. I'm gonna share all that stuff. And as we were getting ready for the podcast, Ashley was super responsive. And I've checked out all her her information and material and definitely encourage you to go check out her website. Better health by accountability.com. Yes, no, that's okay. And her Instagram handle at better health. By accountability. It's all consistent. So all right, I want to thank you for coming on the show to talk about what I think is critical, really important topic, maybe the heart of this whole coaching thing and how people get their results in success, and also for helping make an impact in the world. Thank you. Yeah. Well,

Ashley Carlotta: 47:23

I appreciate you having me on here and keep doing your good work. And I'm gonna keep looking at all your reels that you do, because they're great.

Philip Pape: 47:30

Awesome. Yeah. There's plenty of podcast episodes, too. That's my preferred format is the long form. Yeah. So All right. Thanks for coming on the show. Ashley. All right. Have a good day. Thanks for listening to the show. Before you go, I have a quick favor to ask. If you enjoy the podcast, let me know by leaving a five star review in Apple podcasts and telling others about the show. Thanks again for joining me Philip Pape in this episode of Wits & Weights. I'll see you next time and stay strong.