Balancing Fitness and Parenthood

Philip Pape 0:01

If you're a busy parent who's been struggling to maintain your fitness routine amidst a chaotic schedule of school runs , work deadlines , family obligations , and you've watched your gym time disappear , replaced by an ever-growing to-do list , leaving you wondering if you'll ever reclaim your pre-kids fitness level , this episode's for you . Today , we're sitting down with fitness expert Brian Borstein to uncover how busy parents can not only maintain their fitness but potentially surpass their pre-kids performance . When you understand how to adapt your fitness routine to a hectic family life , you can approach your health goals with confidence , knowing you don't have to choose between being a great parent and staying in shape . So if you've been putting your fitness on the back burner because family life is just too demanding , what we're about to share will give you the blueprint to balance it all without sacrificing your gains or your family time . Welcome to Wits and Weights , the podcast that blends evidence and engineering to help you build smart , efficient systems to achieve your dream physique .

Philip Pape 1:05

I'm your host , philip Pape , and today we're discussing fitness for busy parents with Brian Borstein , back on the show for a second appearance and also a busy parent , like I am , with a couple kids , but Brian has over 25 years of training experience , over 14 years of coaching . He's the founder of Evolve Training Systems and Paragon Training Methods , and he's worked with everyone from top athletes to everyday people looking to increase their vitality and they want to look great and do all the things . He's also co-host of the Eat Train Prosper podcast , so definitely go follow that one . Today , you're going to learn how to balance the demands of parenthood with your fitness goals , like time-efficient workouts , how to optimize your training despite limited sleep , especially newer parents . Learn how to stay motivated when your priorities have shifted and how to set realistic goals in the face of all those new responsibilities . We'll also discuss using fitness to become a positive role model for your kids . Brian , welcome back to the show , my man .

Bryan Boorstein 2:04

Yeah , I'm really glad to be here . Thank you for that wonderful introduction and excited to chat with you and help these people out .

Philip Pape 2:10

Yeah , man . So you probably see this as one of the most common challenges with clients , whether it's someone who used to lift weights , used to be fit you know , they had all that time in their twenties , Maybe they had a physique they were proud of and they're like , I've kind of let it go or those who just maybe haven't ever gotten into it and now they're saying , look , the clock is ticking . I hear all this great stuff about building muscle and eating my protein from guys like Brian on the podcast and they say , man , I just want to get back in shape , but I've got work , I've got kids . I barely have time to even breathe . How do you help them ?

Bryan Boorstein 2:50

I , I don't even breathe .

Bryan Boorstein 2:51

How do you help them , I guess , frame their new reality before we even get to the nuts and bolts ?

Bryan Boorstein 2:53

Yeah , I think the first step is assessing your own situation in the context of the way that you spend your time , and I'm as familiar as anybody with the trials and tribulations of being time poor .

Bryan Boorstein 3:01

I am lucky in the sense that I work from home , and so it's a lot easier to find time to go for walks and things like that when you work from home .

Bryan Boorstein 3:05

I am lucky in the sense that I work from home , and so it's a lot easier to find time to go for walks and things like that when you work from home .

Bryan Boorstein 3:08

I also have a home gym , so I am easily able to just start downstairs , do some quick fitness and come back up , and in that way I understand my situation can be unrelatable , but I've certainly worked with enough people and I'm familiar with the way that the situation works when you don't have those luxuries . So , like I was saying , I think the first step is really taking an assessment of how you spend your time and making some sacrifices , because in most cases , when you actually look at the 24 hours that you spend in your day , you can find 20 or 30 minutes here and there to prioritize the health and wellness of yourself , because being able to be in good shape and good health means that you bring your best to your family and you can play with your kids and have the energy to do those things , and so I think that there's actually exponential benefit in doubling down on yourself . I mean , put your life jacket on before you help others , right ? That's generally the rule of thumb , and I think the same thing kind of applies here .

Philip Pape 4:10

Yeah , yeah , no , I totally agree . That's the whole time audit and the assessments . I know you said people can't always relate , because I get it . I also work from home . I also have a home gym , although the home gym piece I think more people have control of than they think or will like . Take the action to do that , and I think it's a huge benefit if you can . But we all have other things right , like I mean , you and I have plenty of other things that we can make excuses for that take up a lot of our time as well . So from that sense it is relatable and I think you , you know , don't sell yourself short is what I'm saying when it comes to finding the time , or making the time and then deciding what gets filled into that time . Somebody who's , let's say , they haven't trained in a long time or they haven't , they're going to start now . What do they do ? And then how much time do they try to find ?

Bryan Boorstein 4:52

as step one , yeah , I mean there's a number of ways you can approach this . I think it depends what your time availability actually is , because I guess when I look at the majority of people that I've worked with and communicated with about this problem , they generally find themselves in two buckets . You either have the person that's like I can commit 60 to 90 minutes , but I can only do it two or three days a week , or you have the person that's like , yeah , I can do this every day , but I only have 20 to 40 minutes , or something along those lines , and so I think there can be a legit , successful program that helps you get in and stay in shape and health in either of those circumstances . So , kind of with that in mind , I think you first have to decide which bucket do you fall into , or maybe it's like kind of somewhere in between , but those two extremes , I think , allow us to make the point effectively and then kind of divvying up how you're going to spend that time . And if you're the person that has 20 or 30 minutes , a lot of times people don't start their fitness journey because they think 20 to 30 minutes isn't enough , whereas the person that has 60 to 90 , two to three times a week . They're like hey , I can go to the gym , I can get away , I can have my personal time , but I don't think one is necessarily better than the other . In fact , 20 to 30 minutes every day might be better than 60 to 90 minutes two , three times a week . And so I think , with that 20 to 30 minutes , just use it effectively At a very extreme level .

Bryan Boorstein 6:14

There's a lot of research on what's called exercise snacks and this is literally this idea of working out for one minute .

Bryan Boorstein 6:21

So , like every hour or two hours , you just get up and you go run some stairs as hard as you can and you get your heart rate super elevated .

Bryan Boorstein 6:28

You go back down , you work for another hour and you just kind of repeat this throughout the day , one minute at a time . That's an extreme , obviously , but as an example of that , you can extrapolate that out to these 20 to 30 minute sessions and you can do pushups , sit ups , find a tree branch , do some jumping , pull ups or some pull up lowers . You can go to a jungle gym at a local elementary school and use the dip bars and the pull up bars there . You can do sprints back and forth in your front yard Shuttle runs are something that I do all the time when I'm traveling because I'm like look , I have a 30 foot space , I can run back and forth a ton of times really fast . Do it with like a one-to-one work to rest ratio and you have an extremely effective 20 minute workout in there . So I think , not having limiting beliefs and then trying to get creative with the time that you have available , yeah , like pandemic creative .

Philip Pape 7:20

You know what I mean . Back then it was like go to Home Depot when they were open and try to get weights . That way , You're already giving people fewer and fewer places to hide . I guess is the goal here , because we want to give ourselves the least friction , even though there's some discomfort , there's some hard thing or some choice you have to make to get going . Be creative , think about your schedule . What time do you have Then ? What do you want to do that ? Divvy up within that time , the 20 to 30 minutes you said it might be better . Can you elaborate on that ? Are we talking recovery ? Are we talking adherence ? What are we talking ? You know training stimulus , cause you're fresh . What are ? What are we talking about ?

Bryan Boorstein 7:56

Yeah , I'm more speaking along the lines of like , evolutionarily we were sort of meant to move and we weren't meant to sit for four days and then work really , really hard for three days .

Bryan Boorstein 8:08

I think that you know , every day , if you look at the way we came through evolution , we would get up and we would move .

Bryan Boorstein 8:12

In the morning we would have to go find food or whatever our role was within the community , and then we would come back and there would be some periods of relaxation sitting around , of course interspersed with more kind of getting up and moving and playing and stuff like that . And so I just think that if we can move more often , that's better . And so that's why I kind of brought up even that example of the exercise snacks is that falls more in line with our evolution , more even than 20 to 30 minutes a day , because my understanding is that we were a nomadic group that was constantly in movement , not just like we're moving from this place to this place over a five-day period , but more like we wake up , we move , we sit , we move , we sit , we move , and if we can kind of take some of those principles and apply them to our life in the current state of things , I think we can get back to health a lot faster than we can with more of that like slow plotting approach where you're still sedentary the majority of the time .

Philip Pape 9:07

Yeah , that's powerful , because we do have a lot of people who sit around on their butt all day , myself included sometimes , and I think correct me if I'm wrong or you know the listener thinking about this we separate our movement into different buckets , right ?

Philip Pape 9:19

We think , like there's the training bucket , and I'm going to do that three or four days a week for an hour , and then there's the walking bucket , maybe the cardio bucket , and then there's everything else and what you're saying is that like it's all movement and so why don't we get creative and kind of fit it in on a frequent basis ? Some of that's training , cardio , walking , whatever , some of it's all of it at the same time . And it's funny because I just recorded with Cody McBroom yesterday and he's into hybrid training and kind of same mindset of like let's stop fixating on , like , let's stop making it binary . You know , with some of these things , I think we also know the evidence says that not being sedentary is a hugely positive factor , independent of steps and independent of training . So again , there's probably a reason for that , right .

Bryan Boorstein 10:02

Yeah , absolutely yeah , agreed .

Philip Pape 10:04

Yeah , so that's efficiency I think we're speaking to as well . How would you recommend for the average person I hate to say this because it always depends , right , right , it always depends . But like the average dad , for example , let's take me . I'm in my forties . I started training properly maybe five years ago . And somebody like that , when it comes to a training program , who has a little bit of time , maybe like three , four days a week , to strength train let's talk hypertrophy Again where would you start ? I know these are generalities .

Bryan Boorstein 10:32

Yeah , I mean three or four days a week , call it what ? An hour , three or four days a week ? I think you open up a ton of possibilities . I mean that is honestly within the margins of being optimal . So you can look at like professional bodybuilders or powerlifters or anyone at the extreme of resistance training and there are some at the very top level that are training less than four hours a week or four times a week for one hour each .

Bryan Boorstein 10:58

There's also people that are doing more . I don't think that their decision to do more is necessarily based on a broad sweeping need , but more like an individual need . So there's just a variance of genetic responses to training and some people might be under that four times a week and some people might be above it . But four times a week is truly a sweet spot , like I almost would say that if you're that person that can do four days a week you shouldn't even really consider yourself limited as far as pursuing strength and hypertrophy . That's just like a good , well-rounded training program . So yeah , I mean , do you want to dig in any more into that ?

Philip Pape 11:32

We can . But I want to sit on that because when we talk about limiting beliefs , like another way to frame , that is , it's only four hours a week you have to find and now you're optimal . It's a really powerful frame because I mean , I guess , unless you're working 12 hour days , you literally have time for nothing at all , which is probably a tiny percentage of people . I don't know . Finding that four hours or even three hours gets you pretty close , aside from the other techniques you talked about , like exercise snacks . So I guess let's talk about the what would you say is average for a busy parent in your experience . Is it more like three or four days for a half hour , you know , closer to the 20 , 30 minute mark that you mentioned earlier ?

Bryan Boorstein 12:08

I think it's pretty split man

Understanding Sleep and Exercise Balance

Bryan Boorstein 12:10

. Through my experience , I have those people that are like I can do two or three days a week for 45 to 60 minutes , or I can do 20 to 30 minutes . It does seem to kind of fit into those extremes , I guess , if I were to have to . So I think an important clarification is that when I said it was four times a week is optimal for an hour , that's assuming the pursuit is purely hypertrophy . I think when you're looking at optimal health , you now have to include things like walking , higher intensity cardiovascular work and things like that . So , yeah , the four times a week can get you there .

Bryan Boorstein 12:41

With that in mind , though , which one is more popular or do I see more often ? I would probably say that maybe 60% of people are in that like two to three times a week for an hour camp , instead of the 20 to 30 minutes every day . But I think that if they were to actually take a step back and reflect on their use of time , they might actually find that 20 to 30 minutes , or 20 to 40 minutes every day , is actually a reasonable thing to do . It just is easier when you're kind of zoomed out to settle on like okay , I can move things around and I can find two days a week , versus I can find time every day . You know what I mean . Yeah , no .

Philip Pape 13:18

I know what you mean and the reason I'm asking this is I want to get to where this discussion is focused on , the things that people can't already get from . Maybe another podcast , such as the one you and I did earlier , which was all about time intensity techniques or time efficiency techniques For people who like have the time , kind of a standard approach , probably will work For people who are a little bit trying to get creative . That's what I want to hone in on . So before we like dive down the training rabbit hole , I want to start with sleep , because that's a counterpoint to like you're awake , you're moving , you're training , but now you need to recover , and we know for parents that can be hard to come by , depending on how old your kids are , but even when they're older , right , depending on school and all the other things going on . So how does that affect ? First of all , just so people know , how does sleep affect recovery and performance ? And then how do we optimize it , even if time is limited and you can't find all the hours ?

Bryan Boorstein 14:12

Yeah , it's tough because we know that sleep is so important . We also know that exercise and being in good shape improves the quality of your sleep . So there's a little bit of a catch-22 there . We also know , interestingly , that if you have a poor night of sleep but you're regularly a pretty good sleeper , but if you have a poor night of sleep , your glucose response goes haywire and your body doesn't process carbohydrates very well , which you guys can probably feel . You know , when you're poorly slept you feel like you're reaching for those high carbohydrate , high palatable foods more readily . But the benefit of exercise is that if you actually do a hard , intense workout despite being poorly slept , it corrects the glucose response issues that you would have from the poor sleep . So there's this big interconnected kind of circle of exercise and sleep where they benefit each other and at the end of the day both will improve by improving .

Bryan Boorstein 15:08

So , with that said , yeah , man , sleep can be tough , depending on the age of your kids and what they're going through mentally .

Bryan Boorstein 15:13

I mean , I know I have parents , friends , who have kids your age and they're starting to get into the early teenage years and they're saying that now their sleep schedule is completely changed because the kids might need to have an emotional conversation with them about friendships and popularity or whatever , at 10 pm at night , as you're trying to get ready for sleep , and so the whole dynamic is affected , regardless of what age your kids are , as you kind of pointed to .

Bryan Boorstein 15:39

But the thing with sleep is you just want to do the best you can to be consistent with it , consistent with your bedtime , consistent with your wake-up time , trying to make sure that you're not having huge meals and lots of water right before bed , because then you're going to be digesting as you sleep , you're going to be getting up to urinate and use the bathroom in the middle of the night , and that's going to affect the quality of your sleep . One thing that I learned relatively recently on a podcast with Matthew Walker , who's kind of like the sleep guy . He was saying that even if you get to bed later than you intend , you should still wake up at the same time that you usually would , instead of sleeping in , because then you get one of the two end points correct , like either the start or the end of your sleep , and then , because you woke up earlier , you'll actually be tired and you'll have easier sleep onset the following night .

Philip Pape 16:28

Yeah , that's a good one .

Bryan Boorstein 16:29

Yeah , so I think that's interesting .

Fitness Routine for Busy Parents

Bryan Boorstein 16:32

But like sleep , you can only do what you can with sleep . Like you can do all of these things you can wear your blue light blockers and not eat at night and not drink water , and try to tell your kids not to bother you past 9 pm , sleep mask , blackout curtains Don't forget those . White noise or pink noise is now the new thing .

Philip Pape 16:47

Pink noise $3,000 mattress that cools you down , right , right and then tells you your HRV as you're sleeping .

Bryan Boorstein 16:51

You can do all of these things and still sleep can evade you , and so it just is something that's important , and I think that , man , this isn't going to be a podcast on sleep , but you ought to do what's necessary to improve your sleep , and if that means seeking out Matthew Walker's work and that of other sleep experts in the field , then I think that that's something that's worth your time to do .

Philip Pape 17:14

Yeah , I totally agree . I do like the consistent times . I also am using that as rule number one because if you tell people to get more sleep , I mean that can be a big stretch for some people . Just with reality , I do like that trick of at least keep your wake-up time , even if you go to bed late , and then avoiding the huge meals and drinks . I mean , trust me , you're going to pay for it when you do that . Quick question Do you recommend , if people have a choice or don't care , training in the morning ?

Bryan Boorstein 17:40

I think if you have a poor night of sleep , then training in the morning is probably your best friend because it kind of sets things and regulates things much better so that you have a better day as you get going . Beyond that , I don't think it matters . I think it's individual preference and I know for me I prefer to work out in the morning because of what I said earlier . Like it just it sets my day up correctly , it makes me feel good , I feel more cognitively prepared for what is waiting for me for the day .

Bryan Boorstein 18:07

If I've done my workout first and if I feel like I have too much to do and I end up not getting to work out until noon or one , I just find myself having like little bouts of apprehension about the workout , thinking about how hard it's going to be or what weights I'm going to use , or this interval that I need to push on my bike or whatever it is . Those thoughts start to creep in my head . But once I do the workout , it's just great . It's like this incredible feeling of euphoria that lasts for hours throughout the rest of the day , with a sense of accomplishment that I think is hard to get . I mean , there's a number of ways you can do it , like people use ice baths and things like that , but some sort of shock to get you out of homeostasis really seems to help . Kind of just set the day up correctly .

Philip Pape 18:47

Yeah , I wonder I ask almost everyone about that now because just my personal experience has been that as well Like it sets the day up really well . Also , if you are a busy parent , the day just gets away from you . You don't know what's going to happen . You think you know , you think your schedule's locked down , but literally the day that gets going and the schedule's changed , it's going to change . So it's easy to have an excuse when it's later in the day .

Bryan Boorstein 19:15

If you do it first , you do it first period , even if you get up at 4 am . I'm sorry . I mean it can work if you shift things around the right way . You don't want to sacrifice sleep long-term for workouts . If you're like the only time I could work out would be 4 am , then you need to be going to bed at 8 pm for the majority of cases , or else that schedule isn't going to work for you .

Philip Pape 19:30

For sure , man . All right , so motivation , consistency , all of that , because we know busy parents , maybe more than some , have a lot of variability in their life , kind of what I alluded to , where , because you have these extra kids in your life , there's chaos of one sort or another . How do we stay consistent , knowing a lot can change ? Is there an element of planning or updating your schedule , or whatever it might be , some tricks you have in the bag to kind of step it up and say not really any excuses , because I've thought ahead for this .

Bryan Boorstein 20:01

This is one of the reasons why I love the 20 to 40 minute period every day that you have , because then you just put it into your schedule and you're like this is my very short , brief period of time that I know is there for me every day , no matter what , and even in days where you're not feeling up for it , you're lethargic , you have a ton of stuff on your mind , whatever . Just going out and getting a 30 minute walk in during that period of time is better than nothing , and obviously you know the more intensity you can use . You know incorporating weights and different cardio modalities and stuff like that is going to likely be better than just walking . But what that does is you have that slot of time that you know is yours and that it can't be messed with . So I love that .

Bryan Boorstein 20:45

For the people that have that two to three days a week for 45 to 60 minutes , they have a longer period of time , but less frequently .

Bryan Boorstein 20:53

I find that those people tend to more likely put workouts off and say oh well , you know I didn't work out the last two days and now I'm on day three , like I'm supposed to work out , but I feel lethargic . I have this meeting . My son got in trouble with the principal at school and like all these things are weighing on you and you're like I just can't work out for an hour right now , so I'm not going to do it and that's . You know . The nice thing about those 20 to 30 minute chunks is you're like I don't have to work out for an hour , I just need 20 to 30 minutes of time for me , and then it seems like that hour can feel overwhelming sometimes . So I think you know setting yourself up for success in creating a model and a schedule that works with your mindset and you know the nature in which you tend to operate is probably a good first step in setting your schedule .

Philip Pape 21:37

Yeah , yeah . I like the idea of this ritualistic approach . It is a form of discipline . When you're doing something every day , you know . Maybe once that's in place , you can then expand and experiment with different things and you'll want to go to the gym , like you know , at some point you just want to go , no matter what your schedule is . So a little bit lower level then . For people that want to train , let's say they do that approach . I know you obviously have a million training programs and talk about training all the time on your podcast . What is a reasonable type of training to maybe start with if you're a beginner or you're detrained getting back into it ? And then how do you recommend logging and tracking so that you kind of get those wins and that awareness that you are making the progress you want to make early on in that process ?

Bryan Boorstein 22:17

Yeah , I think it really depends on what your equipment access is as far as like what I would prescribe somebody . I mean it could be as simple . As you know , somebody has 20 to 30 minutes seven days a week , and so three of those days are body weight resistance training . You have access to no weights . You're going to do various core movements pushups , air squats , lunges , split squats . Like I said , you can go to a playground , find a jungle gym , pull-up bar type thing . You can find a tree branch , do some dead hangs from there . So I think three days a week you do some form of resistance training in that period of time . Two days a week you probably do some sort of higher intensity cardiovascular work during that time . So that could be finding some stairs and running up and down those for 20 minutes . It could be the shuttle runs in the front yard that I mentioned . It could be jump roping or going for a jog outside , finding a hill Don't say burpees .

Bryan Boorstein 23:19

No , I don't like programming burpees because , I feel like most people , especially starting out , aren't strong enough to actually burpee properly , and as they fatigue they start to do things that are injurious . So even with pushups , I think you know this is a great one because you can do them at no matter how strong you are . People might say , oh , but I can't do pushups and I would never tell someone to go to their knees because I think that really just messes their form up ultimately . So I'm a huge fan of taking someone and putting them on hands , elevated pushups . So maybe you find a couch or a countertop or something like that and you do your pushups that way with perfect form , and then , as you get stronger , you can find lower and lower objects for you to do your pushups on until eventually you're doing them on the ground with great form . So we have three days a week of bodyweight resistance training , or that could be weighted resistance training . If you have access to dumbbells or barbells or even a gym setup would be even better , but resistance training is fine anyway . Three days a week , two days of higher intensity cardio and then I think the other two days they could be . It really depends on you , I think , starting out just making those other two days walks is probably great , but as you get going and you begin to get in better shape and you want to put more into it , I think doing some lower intensity cardio on those other two days would be great .

Bryan Boorstein 24:35

Maybe you're now walking hills or you're doing fast walks with a weight vest , or you're getting on a bike and going for a bike ride with your kids , and that counts . That's the beauty is you can double count things . You can get a two for one by going for a bike ride with your kids and now you're parenting , but you're also getting some low-intensity cardiovascular movement . Oftentimes when my kids were young , they would be scooting because they weren't biking yet , and I would jog alongside them as they scooted . And then , because I'm not a runner , I'd be like okay , we need a break and let's chill out for a second . And they're happy to sit , sit there and like watch me breathe for a second and then we get going again . And so a number of ways that you can incorporate activity and movement with the things that generally consume your life .

Philip Pape 25:21

Yeah , that's a really important one because I think when people think , wow , you're telling me to do all this stuff every day and four of the seven days or some form of cardio , you know people definitely have a love-hate relationship with quote-unquote cardio , but there's a million ways to do that that can be enjoyable . I mean , if you've got kids , honestly , if you're not playing with them on a regular basis , you're missing out on their growing up . I think You're also missing out on selfishly a way for you to be active , even if it's just going to the back and tossing the ball and running around .

Max 25:52

You know ball and running around , you know whatever it is . I love that . Shout out to Philippe . I know Philippe for a long time . I know how passionate he is about healthy eating and body strength and that's why I choose him to be my coach . I was no stranger to dieting and body training , but I always struggled to do it sustainably . Philippe helped me prioritize my goals with evidence-based recommendations while not overstressing my body and not feeling like I'm starving . In six months , I lost 45 pounds without drastically changing the foods I enjoy , but now I have a more balanced diet . I weight train consistently but , most importantly , I do it sustainably . If a scientifically sound , healthy diet and a lean , strong body is what you're looking for , philly , Pape is your guy .

Philip Pape 26:37

Question about the activity or the equipment . Do you like gently or even strongly prod clients who don't have any equipment to like ? Let's figure out , as we ramp you up body weight to get access to equipment somehow .

Bryan Boorstein 26:49

Yeah , yeah , I would say like I haven't worked with any clients that don't have some form of equipment for a number of years now , like this was maybe a problem 10 or 15 years ago for me . At this point I work primarily with people that are already bought in , not with like brand new , like off the couch to like , okay , I need to figure this fitness thing out so I don't die . So I'm slightly detached from that person . But , to answer your question , I absolutely believe that the equipment that you have can create a higher quality training stimulants in less time . So as you get past those bodyweight workouts , get less of a tan than you did the prior time . Same response occurs within our bodies as adaptations occur , and so at some point you're going to be not getting the response that you desire from doing the body weight movements that were giving you a great response in the beginning .

Philip Pape 27:42

Yeah , and I think today , with the prevalence of all sorts of gyms and equipment and I mean the vast majority of people probably have a little space . They can build something , hopefully where they live , but maybe not that is again less of a reason not to do that , other than it's an excuse .

Mental Health and Parental Role Modeling

Philip Pape 27:58

Okay , what about so , since we're talking about parenthood specifically , what about the kind of the stress and anxiety is also ramped up . So we talked about all the obligations people have . We talked about schedule and time and time , efficiency and sleep , but then there's also mental health . Right , because you even said like your own kids might be facing mental challenges that you have to help them with , which is draining for some folks , especially introverts , might drain them . I guess what strategies come to mind for managing your mental health , just besides just doing all the things we talked about , which definitely help mental health too ?

Bryan Boorstein 28:29

Yeah , that's what I was going to say . It's kind of like sleep . It's this perpetually tied together where the more exercise you do , the better your mental health gets . There's actually been some studies done that have shown that exercise is more effective for combating depression and anxiety than the actual medications that people get , like SSRIs and things like that . So I think that's a great first step .

Bryan Boorstein 28:50

If you're somebody that's battling these health issues and you don't exercise , like hey , it's out there , it's free , like if you could bottle up exercise in a pill and give it to people , it would be the most popular pill ever taken , like it would exceed everything , so like it'd be better than Ozempic . So I think I mean even people that exercise obviously have mental health problems . So I mean I've certainly dealt with my fair share of days where I'm just like man , this day sucks . I just don't know how I'm going to get through this , and so for me , the way that I generally respond to that is through going for a walk , doing some exercise and doing some breathing practice , and the breathing practice is something that's new for me in the last three years .

Bryan Boorstein 29:34

So I went through 39 years of my life and had no way of kind of self-regulating through breathing practice and , as I've gotten more into it in the last couple of years , I find myself probably daily , taking five to 10 minutes and just closing my eyes and focusing on a long inhale and an even longer exhale , generally maybe like four to five seconds on the inhale and like six to eight seconds on the exhale , and I'll do that for five to 10 minutes in succession with my eyes closed , and usually I'll do that at times where I feel things beginning to burden me . It could be like on one side , it could be man . Do you ever get that sense where on a computer and you're typing away and you're just like , you feel like you're just like in the computer , you're like you're like this crazy person with like it's hard to describe , but I get like I feel like my blood pressure must be like going through the roof as I'm typing , doing work .

Philip Pape 30:29

I know what you mean . You're getting hotter and you're just like I got to get this done and the stress is ramping up , I get it , man , yeah yeah .

Bryan Boorstein 30:35

So in those moments I feel like my heart is beating faster and my breathing is erratic , and so I'll just be like , no , I feel this happening , I'm going to push this computer away and I'm going to do my five to 10 minute breathing thing , and so that's one example where I might do that . Another example is like I have a conflict with somebody , a phone call that is unsettling a meeting , that's unsettling something along those lines , stressed out about something along with work , and that's another great opportunity to take five to 10 minutes and kind of sit down and breathe . I don't even need to necessarily do any reflection , I don't need to come to any conclusions in my brain about how I'm going to handle the situation . It's just separating from it for a moment and trying not to think about it is sort of the best thing that I can do , and I think that that can be extrapolated out to situations with kids and stuff like that too .

Philip Pape 31:22

Yeah , it's super accessible . And since you just mentioned kids , do you do anything like that with your kids ? Do you try to show them some of these practices , or are you not there yet ? Yeah , we try . Yeah , you try to show them some of these practices or you're not there yet ?

Bryan Boorstein 31:32

Yeah , we try .

Philip Pape 31:32

Yeah , you try , yeah , yeah .

Bryan Boorstein 31:34

They generally wake up in the morning right as I'm doing my morning breathing . So they'll walk in and I'll be like super zen in my chair and they'll just sit there and stare at me and I'm like I can tell they're staring at me right now , but I don't really want to open my eyes and acknowledge them . They see it happening and then my daughter is like this perfect little angel . As you have two girls , you know how it must be . My son is not a perfect little angel .

Philip Pape 31:59

There are differences , I've heard .

Bryan Boorstein 32:01

And so my daughter , actually four and a half years old , is already able to implement some of that stuff . Like she was freaking out the other night and talking about how she was unhappy and blah , blah , blah , and then she goes , or no . My wife said remember , vivi , you love yourself . And she goes . Yes , I love myself . And she did like a series of like mantras of I love myself with a bunch of deep breaths and then she goes . I feel better .

Bryan Boorstein 32:23

So she's like four and a half years old doing this , and my son is like the complete opposite , like if you tell him to do that , he's like no , I don't want to do that . Blah , blah , blah , and like it's this complete outrage that we would even propose the idea that he reflect and sit back .

Philip Pape 32:36

He needs a little sledgehammer and then some stuff to destroy in the backyard . That'll be his mindfulness . You know therapy , right , right , right . Oh , that's that brings up a couple of things , right Cause ? Yeah , no , I mean my , my daughters . Yeah , the definitely difference between daughters and sons are hilarious sometimes .

Philip Pape 32:52

And talking to your kids and modeling your kids , they're like sponges . And , yeah , if you have them there while you're working out , that's another benefit of a home gym you can have your kids there and they see what it is . Or if you're able to take them to the gym , it depends on age and the setting . I think that's awesome . So , speaking of that , then , how do we leverage the fact that we're parents and have that situation Maybe a single parent , maybe you have a spouse , but you definitely have the kids to shift your focus and really have a driving reason why you do this .

Philip Pape 33:21

So , as opposed to just , you know , getting jacked like you might've wanted to do in your twenties you know longevity function being a role model . I definitely hear these a lot when I have new clients who are parents . For some reason , man , I attract a lot of homeschool parents these days . We do that too , and I don't know what it is , but they'll say I want to be a role model for my kids . So what are your thoughts on all of that ? Like shifting our focus now that we are parents ?

Bryan Boorstein 33:43

Yeah , I mean I think it's super important . Your kids are watching everything that you do , as you kind of said earlier , and so who you are is sort of who they're going to be at some level . I mean , obviously they're their own person as well , but they do follow suit , and so I think living the life for yourself , as if you want your kids to live a similar life , is probably a good approach to take when you think about setting up the things that are important to you in your life . Yeah , I think it's like you mentioned function , longevity . Was it setting an example or something ?

Philip Pape 34:19

like that . Yeah , being a role model , I'm just pulling these things out of my ass . I love that .

Bryan Boorstein 34:22

Yeah , no , those three were great and I think all of them play a huge role

Parenting, Perspective, and Fitness

Bryan Boorstein 34:27

. It's weird I'm in my early forties and so much of my perspective on things shifted , like when I became a parent , but then when I turned 40 , because something about turning 40 put this whole life in perspective in a sense of like okay , the average age is around 80 , 40 is about halfway . It's not a midlife crisis , but it is a way to reflect and put perspective on the fact that , wow , I'm over halfway done with this journey , potentially now , and if I want it to last longer and I don't want to be halfway done and I want to see my kids when they're my age . I mean that to me is like when you start thinking about the fact that , like , I'm 42 , my dad is 70 , my mom is 73 . I don't want to be 73 and already worrying that I'm not going to see my son make it to 40 because I'm 35 years older than him . I want to see him make it to 40 . I want to see him make it to 50 .

Bryan Boorstein 35:26

I want to see my grandkids be older than seven or six or whatever these things , putting them in perspective and then implementing the practices and the lifestyle habits that are necessary to give you the best chance to get there . Because , who knows , my friends see me taking omega-3 pills when we go out to eat . I'll bring omega-3s to take them , because I want to make sure I have my omega-3s in me , and my buddies are always like you're for sure going to get hit by a bus One of those things you just don't know . But you do want to set yourself up for the best opportunity to be there for the long term , and longevity is such a buzzword these days . There's positives and negatives about it , but I think the very positive part of it is that it's forcing people to sit back , reflect and be aware of what things they need to be doing to ensure that they give themselves the best health span and not just lifespan .

Philip Pape 36:20

Yeah , I almost envision from what you said . I think of okay , we have parents and now we have kids , and there's this continuum of this longevity across generations . You know , the moment that the kid is born . I mean , I remember when my , our first child was born , our daughter we didn't know what the sex was of the baby I know that's very rare these days and so I got to see that she was a girl .

Philip Pape 36:39

You know , when she was born and man did I like break down and I was like , okay , I'm not , I'm not even important anymore , like this is the most important thing . I'm even about to tear up talking about it , and I think every parent feels that it's like okay , now there's something even more important . I have like my purpose is elevated . It's not that I don't exist , I'm still an individual with my and desires , but now it's extended and you're like thinking across many decades . So then that raises the question are there anything ? People who need a kick in the butt right now , who are parents and thinking , man , I'm not doing the things I need to be doing ? Is there anything we should be concerned about Because we're not doing these things and our kids are seeing that ? Or maybe we're obsessed about things , or maybe we are , I don't know things that we say , things that we do . I know we're getting so philosophical here . Does anything come to mind ? Maybe you personally , that you're like , hey , maybe I could do better with that because I have kids .

Bryan Boorstein 37:29

Yeah , I think I do really well with the exercise and the mindset and things like that . But I don't do very well with the nutrition side for my kids , which I know people might be surprised about to hear . But it is really really hard to get kids to eat healthy . And we have tried , we've tried so many different angles on it and we even , like , had an appointment with our doctor to talk about it and the doctor was like , look , your son is really skinny , Like he just needs food . And we were trying to take this approach of like , you know , if it's not at least semi-healthy , like we're going to sort of restrict it until you're hungry enough that you will eat it .

Bryan Boorstein 38:09

And I'm not trying to say he needs to be eating like broccoli and tomatoes and things like that , but like how about anything other than a bagel or dessert ? Like those are kind of like his two foods bagel and dessert . And so we're just like kind of like his two foods , bagel and dessert . And so we're just like , no , like you can't have bagels and dessert anymore , right . And then we go to the doctor and the doctor's like look , your son's really skinny , like he needs food . He just needs calories , because calories are going to be the thing that are going to power his brain and his body to continue developing and growing . And then we're stuck at this like really challenging crossroads of okay , so do we just feed him bagels for every meal , because that's what he wants and that's what he's going to eat .

Bryan Boorstein 38:50

And man , that is a really tough cookie to crack and I still feel unprepared for that seven years later and I don't know what even the right move is . Here . It's like we're seeing small improvements here and there and at least I'm getting him enough protein . I'll hide a burger in a bun and he'll have chicken nuggets with barbecue sauce , and like we're getting enough protein and we're eating a little bit of fruit , but like 80% of his food is bagels and yeah , we're just . I'm still working through that . So I think that's the most challenging thing for me , and I know that I can't judge parents that have other issues Like they might have mindset issues or exercise issues or things like that because I'm obviously struggling with one of these components as well .

Philip Pape 39:22

I mean , I think that's the best example you could give , in that you know , obviously you are walking the walk and know a lot about this stuff and coach people through it , and yet it's still there's challenges that are come from parenting in this realm that anybody listening could relate to . That hey , you're not perfect . I mean . I think maybe that's the messages . None of us are perfect . We're doing our best . Set an example . That's like the best thing you can do . Number one right , set the example .

Philip Pape 39:44

And then , beyond that , of course , as a parent , we just have to kind of figure out what the heck , what the heck do we do ? Because you mentioned a few things , like when kids are growing up , they need to eat calories . But then you have the side that we get a little bit obsessed with . It was just like what to eat and that it's healthy and that it's balanced , that there's protein , and sometimes it's like do we just have them eat whatever because they need to grow ? We don't want them to be stunted , you know , be malnourished .

Philip Pape 40:09

Or do we also try to kind of instill these other things , you know , sneaking stuff in their food ? I mean , there's lots of tricks , man , we've done it all as well , and then there's the body image thing . Man , I have two daughters and at their age now 12 and 10 , I'm telling you got to be really careful what you say , and that you don't like if they gain a little extra weight . I'm never going to comment on that . I'm like , look , they're still growing . You know what I mean ? Like it doesn't matter . They're going to eventually be adults and then have their choices .

Bryan Boorstein 40:43

I'm doing a lot of well , so that's a good one . I don't know if you want to add anything to that . I'll just say that the body image thing is one that I'm woefully unprepared for as well , and I haven't had to deal with that yet because of their age . But we are cautious of the language that we use as we discuss body size and things like that , and I think that that's a prudent move .

Philip Pape 40:55

Yeah , the language thing affects everything . I mean , even my wife gets worried very easily about things and if she'll says it out loud , like with the kids there , and then they , they get worried about it and they come there and she's like I need to be careful , like what I say , in what context . I mean , so you're a parent , you've got young ish kids there , you know , like you said , toddler and a little bit older than that . How has your own fitness journey evolved since being a parent yourself ? Good question , I love that question .

Bryan Boorstein 41:20

Well , it's funny because when I had my first child seven years ago , what I did was I went to a three times a week full body approach . So I was that person that had three days a week , or two to three days a week , but I'm going to be in the gym for 90 minutes each time , and I was . I'm going to double down on the hard work , on the big compound movements and stuff like that . And I went to the gym to do that when we had my daughter

Evolution of Fitness and Parenting

Bryan Boorstein 41:42

. She was born one month before COVID started and luckily I had man .

Bryan Boorstein 41:48

I don't even know how I got so lucky , but I was like I read an article about this disease that might be an issue . This was mid-February and I was like you know what ? I'm not going to get caught in this , I'm going to order some dumbbells and a bench right now . And so mid-February , I bought four sets of dumbbells . I bought 25s , 50s , 75s and 100s and I was like , with those four sets of dumbbells and an adjustable bench , I should be able to fully train my whole body with whatever way I need to , if anything happens . Those dumbbells and that bench arrived the day before the world shut down , so that day , on March 13th or whatever it was it was March 12th everything arrived and I was like , yes , so what I did with my second child is I actually took the approach of I'm going to work out 20-ish minutes as often as I can , and this would generally be multiple times a day , like my daughter's down for a nap , boom , go down and hit quads for 20 minutes . Okay , she's sleeping . Again in the afternoon , go down and hit hamstrings or chest or just one little body part at a time for 20 minutes day a week .

Bryan Boorstein 42:52

I was able to actually make some really good progress through the early stages of COVID , which was kind of cool , and then , once everything opened back up again , I had already built this incredible home gym , so it went from just dumbbells and an incline adjustable bench to what I have now , which is rivaling a commercial gym . I mean , obviously I only have one of everything . So that's the thing . I'm still missing a few things , like I don't have a machine chest press , which I would love . I love a machine chest press , but I'm at a point where I'm one in , one out on equipment and so I don't know what I would ditch to bring in the chest press machine .

Philip Pape 43:35

You don't have room .

Bryan Boorstein 43:36

You're saying Like you'd have to swap . Yeah , exactly . So I have the dual cable machine which allows me to emulate most machines . So I'll do my chest presses on the cables , but like I have a pendulum squat , a hack squat , a 45 degree hip extension , a T-bar row , a leg extension , leg curl squat , rack and dumbbells up to 110 plus the cable machine , so it's like a fully functioning gym in there .

Bryan Boorstein 44:01

And so , as far as how my training has evolved since that point , I would say until two or about three years ago , I was super big in the evidence-based hypertrophy scene . Everything I did was to make hypertrophy the most important thing in my training . So I basically didn't do much cardio until three years ago . I would go for walks just for basic health , but I didn't want to expend any energy that I could be putting into hypertrophy training . I was training six days a week , an hour each day , like a push-pull legs , push-pull legs type split , really putting everything in on hypertrophy . And then I think , as we may have touched on in the last episode , when I turned 40 , I got that shot of my future and reflecting on my longevity , and that's when I really began doing cardio . Over the last three years since I first implemented cardio , it has become just as important as weights for me at least , as important , maybe even like an A1 and put the weights as like A2 , partially because I just love that I'm still seeing progress so rapidly with cardio . With weights it's like I can go six months and build up and then ramp down , and build back up and ramp down and then test and I'm like , okay , six months later and I added one rep to a movement or five pounds or something like that , and so it's a lot of work and time commitment for this reward in quotes of one additional rep , whereas with cardio , the more I do , the better it gets , and it's just like every month I'm like , wow , I didn't know I could do that . And so it's crazy , three years in , to still be at that point where I'm getting these like intermediate gains sort of . So I love that for cardio . I love the way cardio makes me feel .

Bryan Boorstein 45:42

I kind of think that in some ways cardio is better for the mind , for the cognitive side of getting through the stresses of life . I always feel better after doing cardio and weight . Sometimes I still feel like it's just kind of like still biting at me after I finish a weight session . So now my training has shifted a lot and I'm kind of at a point where I'm going back to some of my roots with weight training . I'm actually embarking on a new training cycle , like literally just started this week .

Bryan Boorstein 46:10

That's going to be four training sessions over 10 days , 10 to 12 days . So I'm not I'm only going to train with weights every two to three days now so that I can fit in cardio kind of in between and not be time poor . And my weight sessions are full body , which I also haven't done for many , many , many years . Everything's been split routines for hypertrophy focus , but now going back to like kind of the big compound movements and the . It's like an abbreviated training program , spending , you know , 45 to 60 minutes every two to three days , really hitting it hard and then getting out and kind of living life . And so that's been the meandering journey of kind of the way I approach things over the last seven years since my son was born .

Philip Pape 46:48

That's cool man .

Philip Pape 46:49

So I mean that if I were to break that down to principles for folks who , because I'm early in my training career , still relatively , even though I'm in my forties , because I started late , so I'm still making progress quite a bit more progress for myself relatively with the weight , so I kind of feel where you were back then and I would say for those again , for those listening , hear what Brian's saying in terms of like , what feels good , what allows you to progress , what allows you to fit it in , what allows you to be creative , it's not you have to do this specific thing or do this specific plan and in fact you provide programming in a variety of ways to many different clients , depending on what they need , but just make it work for you and enjoy it , man .

Philip Pape 47:27

Enjoy it Like . This is the thing when you're a parent . There are in many cases more important things , but your health is also the most important thing to allow you to be a parent . So I guess the last question then , brian , is is there anything about parenting and training that you wished I had asked or that you hear often as a big concern or challenge that people have that we didn't address ?

Bryan Boorstein 47:48

It was pretty thorough . I would just say that to double down on the idea that little bits of exercise , like even exercise snacks , are extremely valuable . Studies show that these exercise snacks of getting up and doing one minute of stair runs every hour or two throughout the day has incredible benefits on longevity , health markers , metabolic disease all of these different things that can cause problems for us . So exercise snacks are a great , great thing to do . Doubling down on the idea of 20 to 30 minutes per day of just time for you , where you can fit in movement of some sort during that time , and then for the really A-type personality go-getters out there , just start slow . I think that I've seen enough people with that type A go-getter mentality come from this really high-paced stress , work-life , parenting thing and then jump into exercise and end up getting injured , burnout , et cetera , and so I think a gradual ascent of your training volume and training intensity is probably a prudent move to keep this journey productive for you .

Philip Pape 49:03

Nice , great advice . The stair runs real quick because now I'm thinking selfishly I've got 17 steps first to second floor . How often and how long do you do each of these ?

Bryan Boorstein 49:12

You said one minute stair runs One minute up and down as fast as you can , as many times as you can in one minute , and I would do that every two to three hours throughout the day . So maybe you hit like three to four of those throughout the day .

Philip Pape 49:24

Yeah , not always asking . Get a little coaching for myself here too , cause I'm like man , I should just do that , cause I got the stairs and yeah . So , man , always great advice that the time flies when we chat . I think those listening are going to find something to take with . And if you are listening , you know , don't just binge the content Like , think , right now , what is the one thing you're going to do that's different , that's going to push yourself , that's going to expand that comfort zone . You know , choose the either the hard thing or the different thing , or the thing that will help you be the role model . And where can people learn about you , brian ?

Bryan Boorstein 49:53

Yeah , you nailed it in the intro . I'm on Instagram at Brian Borstein , but my programs are Evolved Training Systems and Paragon Training Methods and then my podcast , e-train Prosper . At Paragon we have a program called Dumbbell Quickie , which is 30-minute dumbbell-only workouts four days a week . Actually , it's not dumbbell-only , it's dumbbell bands . You need to have some bands too and a bench , but if you have dumbbells , bands and a bench , which is a pretty low initial investment , you can follow our dumbbell quickie program . And then we also have dumbbell physique program if you're ready to kind of up your game from there . And then beyond that we have other like full gym and home gym , three-day , four-day , five-day programs . So a full arsenal of kind of different ways that you can work out , whether you're at home or at a gym , et cetera .

Philip Pape 50:37

Yeah , man , you can't go wrong if If you're listening to follow one of Brian's programs he's one of the best in the industry Check out his podcast

Exploring Fitness Podcast Guest Appearances

Philip Pape 50:43

as well . Find him on other shows as well If you want to get deep dive , and then I'll link to our last episode as well . We also dived into a lot more specifics on training . So thanks again , man . It was , it was a pleasure . Thanks for coming on .

Bryan Boorstein 50:53

I appreciate you , man . Thank you .